fizzled

i fucking hate antagonistic ang mohs who think they can get whatever they want as long as they insist on it. they fucking have the American dream too stuck in their head to know that it takes an iota of respect or just a simple 'please' to get their way. fuckin drunkard.


and so my day was ruined by him. no, atcually not. i have more resilience than that. he merely tickled it, but he's got sharp hard fingers. but it hasnt been a fine sunny day for me either. the best moments were the surprising ones, like quin poppin up on me while hurryin to GV; seeing a very chirpy Glamorous in foodcourt, who is procrastinating our outing for eternity; listening to Whitney's I Believe In You and Me and reminded of Melinda; free cha-kway-teow; glimpse of Project Superstar alum Derrick.



today i hate myself. for not being who i want to be. i told myself to get out of my crammy job, yet i'm still here. come June i will finally be able to do so, yet it's still one step a tad too late. i have yet to process my study loan procedures, nor call up quin's job offer. i have not finish my library books, despite my constant confidence during loaning, that i can finish all the books i'm borrowing this time. my room is like a sty. i dun observe enough. i am not free-spirited enough. i am not smart enough. i am helpless when it comes to a friendship that fizzled.


i know that all these cant be changed within a day. but i've known these for far to long now, and it's frustrating how i'm not tryin hard enough. spinning around a spot.

the problem lies in me, i know. so does everything else that's bothering me now.

I hate and am amazed at how a friendship could just fizzle. it must be me.








i find this a very ironic entry. i love the American pop culture, yet despise it sometimes. i hate my self loathe, yet i'm doin it. i know that nothing here, or whatever it is that is bothering me, truely really matters at all, yet i am just constantly disturbed by it. don't tell me its human nature, because i believe that if anyone can pull off self exorcism, i can.