ohhh.

My painstaking hardwork.

Shawn the yao nie's get-away/belated bday card. finally gave it to him just now. i thought it was quite nicely done, but smthin was still amiss. took a loong time. sigh. hopefully he'll be deeply touched and could enlist without much worries after this.


i havent complete my essays. and i worry for myself. these few days have been pretty hectic. and right now i dun feel very much like writing. thoughts are just floating thru my mind. images, like random flashbacks that seem so real. Foo's illness suddenly dawned upon me, even thou i found out yesterday. i was shocked for awhile. but today, it really hit me. i've made up my mind to be of help as much as i can.

i feel sad. and i cant think of a more elegant way of putting that down. human emotions can be such a tough knot to untie. sometimes i wonder why i feel so much. even the small, unmanifested thoughts mellows me sometimes. floating thoughts. i despise floating thoughts.

bitch

blogspot is a m******************f****** i tell u. i've just typed a highly intellectual, thought-provoking, outstandingly interesting and pitch perfect entry-of-the-year filled with perfect english and spelling and i cant publish it. where's the sense in tt man!!!!!!!!!

BITCH!

so here i go again.

this is a pic of the bank ladies from the bank. our piao-liang jiejies. well, not all of them lar. hee. this is for yao-nie's get away card which i have so painstakingly tried to gather these interesting pics. urgh. so anyway auntie doreen is in blue. she's 1 havoc lady i tell u. she changes her hair colour evry 2 week or so. and she only dyes the top portion of her hair. i've seen purple and gold. now i'm waiting for the green to appear. and i'll be green with envy. NOT.

this is xiang xiang auntie. the resident perfume.............u really think she smell good meh?!?!?!? i'm so goin to hell for this. karma, pls dun be a bitch. anw she's the regular at our place. notice tt bunch of dunno-what in her hands, she takes her money from there. always pushing a trolley, always singing and talkin to herself(serious!), with the occasional surprise of a scream(dead serious). always lookin for keanu reeves. we did a little experiment by stickin a sensor on her trolley, jus to see if she changes her cart daily or if she brings them home. i've yet to see the outcome. haha. but it'd be hilarious to see it. oh, this is for the card too.

enuf thought provoking. i want to screammmmmmmm cos writing my virginal varsity essay sux! more like writing a history essay with me tryin to paraphrase everything instead of value-adding!!! dang dang dang.

argh. another brainless entry. i jus wana get away from writing essay, radiation from monitor tt's causing my face to redden, and type shit to music. blablabla

another impt thing: i miss Napoleon Dynamite lar. MAKE ME LAUGH!!! when is the dvd gonna be released?!?!?!?

i need massage =( THAI massage wanted!!!

birth of Susan Cartia

Susan's 21st Birthday @ Nanyang CC, 260806

CSS peeps with Mrs Yeo & Mdm Chang.

takin Yuhua pics again.

Everyone's fav beauty queen Lilian =)

part 2: dressing up. this is the shirt we tailor-made. well, printed only la. it's quite hilarious, esp the tallone's animation. i came up with the plagarised words. hee.
the CSSSCA! =)
this is the slideshow we did, courtesy of Bee, Lixin and Chingyee. credits pls. was damn hilarious! wat a gem. especially the supposed-Yoke Chong slide, Tallone's creative slide, and Xin's DaChangJin tribute, with croppin of heads and all. haha....
with cake comes cam-hogging.....

2E!

4/1!

the CSS family!i guess we made the most noise. haha. the snappin of cameras were endless. always.

aerial shot.

the Birthday Girl! Happy Birthday Susan!

i've been calling u that for, wat, 5 yrs now?! haha.

It's been a long time since I last saw you smile this blissfully. really. they say a woman looks radiant on her wedding day. I say you don't have to wait till that day. Even though we havent been in each other's lives much these few years, at least I'm glad to know u're living a fantastic life with great company and opportunities. I hope u miss my lame jokes thou. =) remember to smile whenever i sms u one. u'll always be someone we look up to.

hope this bday greetin made u bawl ya eyes out. haha. kiddin. i havent formally wish u yet. so here's to having a great yr ahead, with all ya travelling plans, studies, etc. Hope u liked the lily. It's not extravagant but it wasnt cheap either. haha. Happy 21st Birthday Susan. have a blast. =)

courtesy of the really TallOne

TallOne saw me forcing myself to watch the soccer match at the Chijmes bar tt day, and decided to take a few shots, go home, and photoshop for me. she said its her past time. where on earth does she find time to past man. i dun even have enuf hours a day!

i tink this was meant as a compliment.

this is my fav.

yar. i went for a swim yesterday. it was a nice feeling, just spending the day as freely as i wanted. i woke up, went to collect the photos for Shawn's bday card collage, swam, got myself a tan, late lunch visit @ workplace with the yao nie and mosquito, hanged ard for a while, b4 goin to chinatown. was hopin to get the 2nd Show album for yao-nie, but cant find. and the chinatown market has moved to the carpark at outram MRT, so next time i can buy cds AND eat good food without walkin v far. outstanding.

i had an epiphany today. which sld have came a long time ago. i felt i'm wasting my time away. i really do. i've felt so a while back. but today, it really struck me. i'm doin way to many useless stuff. my life now sld revolve round my studies. instead i'm still ignorant like my jc days, watchin tv and doin irrelevant stuff.

now i'm gonna squeeze more hours out of a day. suck the marrow dry and be proactive. i need to prioritise. i need to purge. i'm startin tml with my room. purging out all the unwanted stuff for a good envt for studies.

it's days like these when u feel like u can really do it. and i really hope i can do it.

on another note, i'm growing impatient with waiting. i've done quite a bit. the rest is not up to me. not entirely. but i need a sign.

Dolores, u've got to stop lingering in my head. u yodellin to "empty" is pure seduction luring me to the dark side. i feel down now.

laugh leh!

heard this on CLASS 95fm while in the toilet today.

"Qns: what's the difference between a fly and a mosquito?



Ans: A mosquito can fly........








But a fly can't mosquito. "



=)=)=)

The Cranberries - Empty (fr the album "No Need To Argue")

Something has left my life

And I don't know where it went to

Somebody caused me strife

And it's not what I was seeking.

Didn't you see me,

didn't you hear me

Didn't you see me standing there

Why did you turn out the lights

Did you know that I was sleeping

Say a prayer for me

Help to feel the strength I did

My identity has been taken

Is my heart breaking on me

All my plans fell though my hands

They fell

Though my hands on me

In my obvious it suddenly seems

Empty

Everwood quote

My Tragic Flaw

by Ephram Brown

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be waiting out there. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.


sidenote: this is one of my fav. Everwood quotes of all time. I always remembered it slightly differently. and comin back to it time after time, it made sense again and again.

belated pictures.

QIUJIE'S BDAY PARTY, 120806

violence oh violence.

with the bday boy.

ms emily. i know u're reading this. let's ask mdm white snake out!!

the HUGE bday cake. v v nice. but the words looked abit off. tsk tsk. 121st bday?

makin a wish. the kids r dyin to blow the candles.look at them!

the gang =)

4/1!!!

man in the water.Belle's sneak attack!!! hahaYuhua gang.this wasnt everyone.

indeed, tt wasnt everyone. it was a GIGANTIC celebration for dear Mr Ong Qiu Jie, his sweet 21st and his last bday here b4 he flies off come October. it was a family affair, and we all felt right at home. with soooo many guests, it felt like a mini-CSS gathering. always busy takin pictures, always busy posing and catching up. took 2E, 4/1 , and even Yuhua pri school pics tankewverymuch. it was a BLAST.

so happy belated birthday PPP. we'll miss u when u're off feeding cows in UK. =)

back

Blogspot is kinda screwed up i think. i cant log in from the main page. had to go to my History and sign-in from there. been tryin for the past few days now till tt bright idea sprung up on me. where's that at?

i've got a list of things to blog about, which might seem a little belated now. Maybe not today.

i'm here at the wee hours of the night, hot from a hot shower, probably unable to slumber deep due to the iced coffee I had. Just got back from Lucky Number Slevin with Keay. It was spontaneous; he just called around 11.45pm when I was chillin at some bar in Chijmes. So anyways, Keay was funny as usual, telling me bout his weird tennis-playing partner (who, when probed bout what he does during weekends, replies with a very deadpan, as-if-it's-normal "oh I go out with my uncle Ronnie and his wife". he's middle-aged, mind you) and other assorted details. He didnt like the movie. He hated the dialogue. I thought it was pretty cool actually. I've got newfound respect for Josh Hartnett, who looked very Brad Pitt-ish ala Fight Club. But I thought Morgan Freeman, and especially Sir Ben Kingsley was underused. Ben Kingsley's role reminded me of his scene-stealing character from Sexy Beast; very smart-alecky, v articulate.

Enough nerd talk. here's some random ones.

Belle sorta commented that I'm getting more "havoc" these days.
I dunno. I really don't think so. i jus "seem" like it to her. but seriously, my life's pretty a bore. on good days i go out for a drink or two, catch a late late movie and hitch a friggin expensive cabride home. or bad days i jus stay at home at rot. i dun do "havoc" stuff like smoking, or late night drinking with gangs, or squart at Cineplexes with suedo-cool kiddos ( i was alarmed at the number after the movie at 3.30am). i've only clubbed thrice, and i didnt even get drunk on any. but i do admit, i've been stayin out late for a lot these days. in a way, i guess it comes with age. i go for supper with my colleagues, then the very occasional ktv and outing. occasionally with some nocturnal friends for late night movies, mostly army mates. i do believe that all these are "normal". u've gotta try the nocturnal life at some point rite? i only live once, so i wana spend it the most fulfilled way i friggin can, and not live to regret not havin done tt while i was young.

so dun be amazed if i dye my hair green one day like The Joker from Batman. or Ms Ching ah-kim for tt matters.

kiddin!!! (i hate green hair. i have good taste)

if u see me as changed, den mayb i have. truth is, i sorta feel the same way too. it's inevitable i guess. but i dun think it's for the worse. i wld like to quote Everwood about changes here, but i'm lazy. prob next time. v apt. but here's the thing: as much as i might seem different, i'm still v much the same. i still send out lame sms-es to ppl who appreciate my "dark" humour, i still laugh at the smallest stuff sometimes, i still love Faye above all, i still smile smile ever so often.


i hope i'm makin sense. i'm lazy to reread what i've typed =p i hope u get my point.

so ka-boom to randomness! I LOVE PROJECT RUNWAY. the reunion episode got me laughing MY ASS OFF!!!!!

ka-boom! SPORE IDOL SUX. it's a GIANT CONSPIRACY i tell u. itr's not like i haven see it coming: get rid of the competition so tt the Chosen One can stand a higher chance to win. deadpan, and my money's on Jon Leong to win. they dun need another Taufik with Hady, and the remaining ones cant hold a tune to save their hair.poor Mathilda. props to her for being the only true person, and for jus being in a whole different league by choosing the coolest songs: Led Zep!! comeon! creds creds creds man.

Ka-boom! last but not least, Common. Voices. great great show. PPP, it was a great finale(sorta) for u. i enjoyed myself. thou i didnt cry my eyes out, but The Shepardess brought back so many memories....makes me wana sing again! haha. oh the second half was awesome. i hope u guys stay for a loooooonnnngggggg time. =) so sad cos i forgot to bring camera lar. if not u wld have been the star of this entry =)=)=)

den i went pub to chill. den movie. den home.

i am surprised i wrote so much. i sld sleep. working later.

The Ja-Vinci Code

i feel obligated to post this althou i know this is pretty lame. . . . . .


but i love Jacintha Abishanagen(right spelling?)!!!


Ja-on-a-lotus...the Ja-vinci code..wateva. i lovelovelove la. i know this might be a lil mean cos i'm laughin at her, but really i'm not! i have 1 of her jazz album! so i do support her....thou i got tt album for free from my store. haha!! but she cracks me up la. was watchin a rerun of Rated E and they did a segment on "crackin the Ja-vinci code" with Hossan Leong. despite the freezingly anti-climax banter between Shan Wee and Michelle Chong, Hossan was hilarious in tryin to make sense of wat Ja said. like "i tink u're got subtext and it's gone to your feet", "u've reached a musical synthesis..." and "i hear another dimension in ur voice...." haha...he compared the "another dimension" comment to Cher singing Believe, den goes on to sing a line for demo, which is hilarious la!!! haha.... so Jon Leong sounds like Cher?!?!?! jus the thought got me laughing my ass off la.

Ja, pls continue to NOT make sense to 99.2834349% of Singapore. i shall make it a life-mission to attain ya level of depths.

Joni Mitchell - A Case Of You

one of my favourite songs. love both versions by Joni Mitchell and K.D. Lang. Joni writes beautiful songs.

Just before our love got lost you said

"i am as constant as a northern star"

And i said, "constant in the darkness

Where's that at?

If you want me i'll be in the bar"

On the back of a cartoon coaster

In the blue tv screen light

I drew a map of canada

Oh canada

And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine

Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet

Oh i could drink a case of you

I could drink a case of you darling

And i would still be on my feet

Oh i'd still be on my feet

Oh i am a lonely painter

I live in a box of paints

I'm frightened by the devil

And i'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

I remember that time that you told me, you said
"love is touching souls

Surely you touched mine"

cause part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine

And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet

Oh i could drink a case of you

I could drink a case of you darling

Still i'd be on my feet

And still be on my feet

I met a woman

She had a mouth like yours

She knew your life

She knew your devils and your deeds

And she said

Color "go to him, stay with him if you can

Oh but be prepared to bleed"

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine

Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet

Oh i could drink a case of you darling

Still i'd be on my feet

I'd still be on my feet

and so it is.

"and so it is..."
resignation comes at night. when i give in to fate and all tt i cannot change overnight.
nothing i write seems to be of importance anymore.
i'll be away. for a while.

milk.

i usually sip some milk before bed, while at the computer. milk keeps me calm. and plain ones smell great. tt soft fragrance tt keeps me going back for more, a cup after another. today i'm sipping malt-flavoured milk. it's delicious. it gets me ready for bed while consolidating my thoughts and purging everything tt's happened today.

i woke up late for work today. it was good to know tt at least there's still some use of me at work. i tot i wld be deemed obsolete now tt they already have 4 ppl(thou 1 is v new). i came in with a mindset: to get myself busy and make myself useful. and without having to do tt, i was made useful anyways.

school was interesting. i learnt to appreciate painting. it was sorta an eye-opener for me. perhaps not in the widest sense, but at least it got me interested and hopeful of wat's comin up in my course. as usual the coffee kept me alive, and time passed by quickly with coffee. Ah Dong was rite. it's nice to be doin something remotely interesting. my lecturer was rite. it's a Friday night, and it cant be wasted doin smthin totally un-fun. so at least it got me excited. but i can foresee a challenge comin. luckily i had a lil bit of background back in JJ. all thanks to Ms Latimer. so practical criticism was easier for me to grasp as compared to, say, yesterday's lecture on history of English.

my lecturer. he a self proclaimed Bob Dylan nut. he who plays Jack Johnson music for us while havin our break. he who wore a white shirt with messy, all-over-the-place, indecipherable black prints. but he's a cool one. lit teachers always have tt flair for speakin.

on my way to Clementi int, i met the most interestingly weird person. in a good way of course. a strange twist of fate i sld say. i wld have nv expected this, but i met one of the bankers from the bank at my workplace. this is so humourous, cos me and Shawn have been raving bout our respective piao4 liang4 jie-jie(PLJJ) from the bank everyday. we always tell each other who served us today, and how tt old-auntie Doreen nv smiles at us. we'd notice how our PLJJ tied their hair today, their mannerisms and how they served the weird customers if any, and tell each other bout it at work. so i talked to her bout the rest of the bankers, asked them bout their age and all. some of their age had to be kept a secret to protect the innocent. but i received my fair share of gossip. sadly our PLJJ are all attached, and my PLJJ is happily engaged. oh well. goin to the bank wld be so much fun from now on. =)

met Echo Cheong and Fairoz, my BMT mates for supper at Mac. i'm grateful we still kept in touch, despite it being a good 1.5yrs since we left BMT/ Sispec for our separate ways. i missed them. their wit, their humour. tankfully we'll be meeting again tml for late night movie, together with Mr Keay.

over bath, i had a thought of wanting to write a Grateful List. a list of things/ppl i'm grateful for. i haven been feeling very confident lately. and being the passive person i am, i usually jus discard all worries as junk and try not to solve it. it's weird how some ppl say i think too much. when in fact, i dun tink enough. not enough solutions to solve wat i deem as problems at least.

without interrupting my sleep/mood, off my mind here's a few things i'm grateful for.
-good friends like PY/MH and gang, who were there for me, unexpectedly, when i needed help.
-a roof over my head.
-my colleagues at mj. who showed me more in a few mths than ppl whom i've known for years.
-my sister, for always helpin me record tv and lending me money, no matter how i treat her like trash. (but i make up for it by payin her interest willingly and bringing back cds/dvds for her)
-living in Spore.
-my years in CSS. one of the best yrs of my life. i had strong beliefs despite my tender age. i had ppl whom i learn from constantly even till today. i've had a great education. i've had the best company ever. i felt alive.
-tt i have a good upbringing.
-my bed.
-my cds. they keep me alive.

tt's all for now. i gotta go to bed. long day tml. gotta be at Parkway Parade at 11am.

bumbumbum

i went rollerblading at ECP today. it's my first time and i enjoyed it! thou i had numerous unsightly moments....like when i cringe my face when someone's bout to crash into me, or how i slipped right at the shop even b4 i got onto the pavement. i fell a couple of times but my bum hurrrrttttsssss from this 1 bad fall, and now i feel a bad strain in my back. it was ssssoooo embarrassing....haha. ouchouch.




















Dulci and MingHua





















Nerd and his fav posture: the sit-down. tsk tsk.
















the gals.




















ppp and me.

















the gang.

1st day of school....well it wasnt as bad as i had expected. i cant help but laugh at the lecturer at first cos i tot she's funny..in a weird way. oversized grey shirt. and she talks funny. "trans-a-lator". i remember thinkin to myself : "damn this is it la. i wana quit school liao." but after a tea break with free coffee and snacks, somehow things got more interestin and i began to see her political humour. haha. and no, it's not the free food tt changed my mind. and i've decided to bring coffee to school from now on.

zif and i did a count, and there's only 11 guys man. oh and a handful of pretty girls. hopefully Humanities lec tml will be even more fun and intriguing. tsk tsk.

off to watch Chet Lam and FD3. i love Placebo.

Varsity blues

yea. School starts tomorrow. From the looks of it, i have to be v independent this time round. And going through the readings for tomorrow's lesson got me worried if i would do well. i wonder if i wld lack the conviction and discipline. i wonder if i have the constant enthusiasm to discard the procrastination. i really really wana do weeeellllllllllllllll. no. do ggggrrrreeeeaaaatttttt.

yea.

i spent my dat stoned at home. did some readings. had a craving for Chippys(it always happens of off days) but the day grew too late to travel to town n come back b4 idol.

yea.

idol tonight was. . . .predictable? Joakim improved(finally) with Better Man. Jay sux with Supreme. Hady is oficially the underdog with Freedom, Rahima's Unwritten makes me wana relisten the Natasha album, Nurul chose a great song for her voice, Paul was not Attitude enuf while doin an Oasis song, Mathilda was edgy and brave to do a Led Zep song, Jon Leong rox my sox off as usual, and JASMINE CHOSE A SPICE GIRLS SONG. greeeaaaattt. congrats to Jas for reaching an all-time low. tt's like, suicide?! Ja,who actually sounded sober and makes sense today, said she looked like she's performin at Kids Central for her kids. wtf?!?! so farnieeeeeee la.

k.

i'm goin ECP tml for rollerblading/cycling. den to school. lalala. this is a brainless entry.















something wrong with the server. cant seem to post more random pics =(

tv!!!

darn darn darn. my tv's giving me the attitude! it takes 30 mins to warm up to 80% clear image. the 30mins b4 tt is jus sheer blackness with some silhouette. damn!!!

so now i'm tryin to finish my week's worth of recorded tv b4 it totally blanks out. at least i still have videotapes to rely on when it goes to hell. gggrrrrrrrr......

i'm watching spore idol. and Ja jus told Nurul "i tink u sldn't sit on that chair". and the crowd stifled a giggle. haha....

Ja on Mathilda: "u've arrived some time ago..er..so u're here......." (?!?!?!!?!)

Ja gets me ROFLOL. haha..i love her.

and i so want Mathilda to win! totally different league from the rest! but i'm afraid her fan base is not as strong as cutesy Jasmine or wacky Paul. she appeals to the more mature crowd. but i hope eventually, it's all bout singing and not who's cuter than who. yea. so my top 3 now: Mathilda, Jonathan Leong(!!!!!!), Rahima(!!). Hady and Jay r growing on me thou....

and on a recent episode of Project Runway, where the designers r supposed to design smthin for another designer,......

Santino: "are these space pants? cos my ass is out of this world!"

i'm hooked on PR. yea i know i know....all i do is rave bout them...haha...but i really cant help it!! PR is so addictive and funny! thou last season was definitely more creative with Austin...i miss Austin! classic classic classic. tt "envy" dress is so lovely.

and ANTM is comin back!!!!! whoopee!!!

Rachel Yamagata - Meet Me By The Water

Would you please meet me by the water, baby
We'll have a really good time
Would you please meet me by the water, baby
'Cause I can't get you off of my mind

I've been thinking everyday about you
Don't fit anywhere into my life, but that's okay
'Cause I think I might be right for you
And because of that, I'm not scared at all
And everyone says I'm crazy
And everyone says I'm a fool
Would you meet me by the water tonight

Cause I'm ready to break all the rules
Please don't leave me standing
With my heart in my hand
I can't last here
I'm breaking down,
And no on understands why I got here
But I knew from the very first moment
That I met you
You'd be the one

Would you meet me by the water tonight
Would you please fall asleep
Holding my hand
'Cause I've got everything in store for you, baby
If you'll be my man