i was caught unaware. i gave a very patronising and politically sound reply of "i learnt how to delegate jobs and liaise with the hotel management.yarrr."
do not be mistaken. i bet she did not mean for it to come out interrogatively. she's still all smiley and i really admire how she has managed to stay well-tempered for such a long time, always havin a smile on her face. it was my ill-prepared thoughts that caught me unaware.
i've been thinking bout that qns ever since mid-way through preparation. even before preparations began, i've sorta thought about what i can possibly learn from organising this event. to quote susan: "so do what u think is right, people who are putting up the show with u are friends you've known for a good 7 or 8 years. U should have faith in the friendships, if not working relationships.......the most impt thing at the end of it is coming out of it feeling like u've learnt tremendously"
"tremendously" would be an overstatement, honestly.
i guess i've learnt about myself more than anything else. when i first started out, i cant remember what exactly happened, or if it's even prom-related at all, but i told myself that in order to be strong, i have to stop feeling sorry for myself. i have to be unapologetic not to the point of snobbishness, but just being confident about what u're doin. even if u're not, act like it. thinking back now, i feel like i've achieved that. i do not feel like i'm the fault for everything that's gone wrong, yet i do own up when i feel that i'm the dire cause of a terrible situation.
i also feel that i have become a changed person. being put in this situation 4 yrs ago, i would have reacted differently. i would have scurried around like a lil mouse, getting myself confused with the things that didnt matter, contemplating ideas yet not putting them thru the proper channels. this time, i am feeling more confident in the things i do. i approach people differently, with less smile and more serious business. i am more focused and knew exactly what i wanted. i guess that is why i got so mad at some points when it didnt go as planned. deadlines were being pushed back, other people were not carrying their weights, the publicity posters didnt turn out the way i had expected it (the possibility of havin a much better one is, imo, unlimited). i was realy low at some points. i significantly remember this occasion, when i saw the pageant box lying on the floor, being tampered with for the upteenth time, and inconsiderate people takin over half my noticeboard when i specifically had a "CSS Prom Night Noticeboard" streaming across the top. it was disheartening to say the least. back then, i felt immensely stupid tryin to pull this off. why am i feeling like i'm in this alone, always comin back fixing broken things when i have more important things (like my exams) to deal with? i felt like this was all not worthwhile, and i've been pushed down a pit to struggle on my own.
everytime i see the words "nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy", i feel energized a little. it wasnt an intentional act to have those words written across the pages of my notes. i was merely scribbling a quote off tv. but somehow, it spurred me on a little to move forth. i guess it's Providence in its minute form. i told myself that this is not smthin tt sld bring u down. it sld take alot more. and i realise that it's only thru takin on challenges that one becomes stronger and more fearless.
Mary told me that i was still reserved and playin-it-safe. in my self-doubt moments, i do feel so. but i dun think that i am one who doesnt take risks. this yr has seen many firsts: pageant being chosen prior, elaborate decors that sounded tedious to construct given the time limits, having a theme. i've let it all happen. an older version of me would have worried all the way. but not now, not this time.
and alot of this has got to do with faith. at times i feel like i'm not the best person to do the job, that someone else cld do a more fantastic job, and that i am utterly replaceable. i've always felt that way. just that this time round i happen to have slightly more time on my hand to organise this. and i know that i am not the most respected person of them all. but i had faith in my fellow peers that ultimately, everyone would rise to the occasion. and i was right on that. indeed, this event would not have pulled off if it werent for the team. i bet given another team of very different strangers, it would never have worked out so well. it's ironic how as each yr pass and we grow more distant from the sch, my batch still maintains the highest attendance and constant rise in standards. indeed, i've had the best faith in these ppl: lixin, celest, jenni, susan, bee,bert, chingyee, liling. they've never disappointed me and the success belongs to them totally.
this experience has made me a stronger person, and i would not give it up for anything. it has sparked off a second-comin of passion for service to CSS, and i hope this will be enough to sustain me thru the sch's drastic changes. i have achieved what i've set out: to value-add upon last yr's show, to run a smooth event, and to let the students have a memorable night. however miniature in proportions these objectives were met, i'm glad that at least i've accomplished something.
walking to the new CSS building today felt a lil awkward. it felt like day 1 of school all over again, tryin to familiarise oneself with the new building while admiring it. it wasnt a bad place. but of cos it lacked the nostalgic feel of the old. i understand the rationale behind the change, but yet it does not make it any easier for those of us who have had splendid memories there at Jurong East St 24. i now have no motive to take 187, or look forward to seeing any Blues or familiar faces on the bus, at my usual seat. no more cup noodles just 2 mins away, no more red tiles on the parade square, no more long staircase with the stunningly wide view of the PIE and the horizon. it will take a long while before i finally get used to not seeing the sch's name when i take a ride past the PIE.
but i guess in a way, changes are inevitable. it's indeed a better place to be in terms of facilities: there's a huge auditorium, the dancers and drama people no longer need to fight for the same room, and the staff room is more spacious and less claustrophobic. a better environment wld give our juniors a better education. and that's perhaps the best way for the CSS spirit to live on.
here's a tribute, and some prom pics.
like wat was the photog doin man! tsk tsk. like ruin the 2 rare pics i'm in!
no points for guessing who he is. flanked by black n white: Jerms, me, and dustbin.tanks jerms for takin time off ya sch and having to go back home instead of hall. tanks to dustbin for takin time off ya "busy schedule" and for takin the effort to loan tt huge DSLR for 60bucks! yet my pic with my fav girl was blurred! u're takin revenge rite! where's justice when u need it man. =)
the final cheer tt rocked the building
the view from the field. i was blessed with beautiful clouds that day. i took these pics usin kaiyan's cam, and it's actually meant for the pageant vid. but it was so breath-takin and i got more interested with the different angles and started playin with it. 
the slope downhill
for those who missed the walkathon and have yet to see the new premise, here's a sneak peek.
the lovely "seaview".
so this was where it all began. no. this IS where it all began. many a dreams and aspirations were sparked here. the passion, the memories. not too long ago i was stayin back in sch till the auties were chasing us out, stayin behind for camps and activities, making morning announcements in front of everybody and comin into sch durin the first day wearing only PE attire and being the laughing stock of the class. this was where my love for literature and service began, when Mdm Aishah taught us how important it was to serve and "ppl only look at the wrongs u do, not your right ones". she taught me many values and i'll always remember how she defended me the day she spoke to my dad bout my results. tears welled up inside. i remember how badly i bawled during council investiture and sec 2 class streaming.how embarrassing to think about it. i teared during the sch song at my step-down council invest as well. that i am nv embarass abt. i remember sitting at the back of the class with jiewei and always amazed at how he can read comics underneath the table, yet pay attention in class. i miss Belle's infectious laughter coupled with xuan's asthmatic signature laugh and yien's dramatic one. i miss the smell of the morning grass, takin 187 and sitting at my usual sit, listening to songs. i miss failing chem and being the one always aimed by mr Yong. i miss Chan Chun Hwa's nicknames, cos they always had me on the floor. miss Ferd's interactive lessons and introducing us to quotes from R&J i still remember to this day.
what used to be may nv be, and what has passed can only be remembered. many lives were changed here. this is where it all began. and this is the love of my life, CSS.
i'll miss you. Ever With The Best.
