you asked me why Katy Perry always reminds me of you. i replied "it just does", which is not entirely honesty. you said "aww so sweet", and i said, "nothing to be sweet about".
the truth is, Teenage Dream was one of the last few songs you played. it was probably the 3rd time we met, where we shared a pair of earphones and was scrolling through the songs on the list. i cant remember what i picked, but u chose Teenage Dream. Katy's album was just released then, and it was a hit. at that moment, that uplifting spirit of the song, its meaning of possibilities, became synonamous with you.
it was also the last time we met, before you disappeared for a long time in my life.
And then you came back. i was caught surprised, and at the same time wary. who wouldnt be. i remember telling H that this is a testof temptation, and I passed. Katy remained a huge part of our times together. hey, you cant club without Katy right?
i was allright for a while, but something stirred in me when i met you a few days ago. we just chilled out to music and tea. many a times we werent even talking. and then we took a walk around the harbour. the silence was not awkward, im used to it with you. we talked, mostly about work, and walked. i was wearing a white hoodie and you wore a black one. at that moment i thought, how cute and funny.
it was all normal for me, until that final embrace in the lift. i've always liked your hugs - they are tight, warm, and comforting. it lingered longer than i expected - perhaps that's when everything started to feel weird. i exited the lift without looking back, and as i walk back to my room i imagined that he would be behind me, asking me to wait up.
the next morning i also imagined that he would call me for breakfast before i leave. None of what i imagined happened.
the effect of that lingering embrace lasted till i was back in Singapore, and the elation i felt when u texted me when u're back was indescribable. i scrolled through the messages we exchanged, and laughed at the same jokes i've said. im surprised at the amount of wit i had back then, and with you.
of course, the head rarely agrees with the heart. all these while i've been going through my head, telling myself how nothing of this will ever work out - you were always attached, i wasnt sure if u liked me enough, and most importantly, i was certain that i will not be able to sustain your interest and eventually, it will end with a bad breakup. it's better we remain friends now. this way, we'll last longer.
in the days past the emotions subsided. but it never really goes away. i've never felt so strongly about you before, and it terrifies me, because this time, the head and the heart never did agree with each other.
i realise this is the most honest i have been here. oh well. perhaps some honesty will serve me well in getting it off my chest.
