Oprah and Ellen

Oprah: Would you say that coming out was the seminal moment in your life?

Ellen: Oh yeah, because it stripped everything away. The whole world was talking about me. You know, if you're going o be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to knopw who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are. I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesnt like Betty White because she's short and has white hair.

O: Refresh my memory: At what point did you make the decision to come out? You were three years into your sitcom?

E: I was four years in, because the fifth is when they canceled me. I think I've told you about a dream I had. i was struggling with the idea of coming out - what it would do to my career and to me - and in this dream, i was holding a tiny finch in the palm of my hand. i could feel how much i loved this bird and that it was safe in its cage - one of these thin, bamboo, beautiful, multitiered cages - and as i was putting the bird back in, i realised that the cage was against a window and the bird could fly out. the bird realised it at the same time i did, and i became the bird. and the bird looked at me and wanted to fly out, but i looked at the bird and said, "but u're safe in here in a beautiful cage. don't leave." and the bird just looked at me and flew out over the window.

O: wow.

E: So i was like, okay, i know what that meant. until then i'd had no idea i was in a cage. i was in this beautiful setting, and i was making money and had everyone taking care of me.
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O: But it's so important to say that out loud so people can see for themselves how the things that broke you open actually allowed you to be set free.

E: I think Diane Sawyer told me she read something that said te cracks in your heart let the sun shine through. i just thought that was beautiful. and it's all part of balance. i'm a comedian, and i definitely see the humour in a lot of things. i am also sad a lot. i cry often and easily. i think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things. you're supposed to laugh, you're supposed to cry, you're not supposed to shove your feelings under the rug. i was raised in an atmosphere of "everything's fine." but as i got older, i was like, "well no, everything's not fine. there is stuff that's sad." I am a really sensitive person. i think i am too sensitive sometimes, especially in this business.
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O: Okay. So, when i saw you at the photo shoot for the cover, what i was most struck by was the light in your eyes.

E: Well, of course there was a light - i was with you!

O: [laughs] No, there really was a twinkle in your eye that comes only from a sense of well-being. i'm telling you, i recognise it when i see it. what's that all about for you?

E: you told me you wanted to talk about this, so i was thinking about it. and i asked my massage person: what is it about me that you think is balanced?

O: [laughs] that's like when Gayle was invited to speak about self-esteem and she calls me and says, "how do i feel about self-esteem"" so your massage person said...

E: She said i constantly challenge myself. she has known me for 11 years, and she said when something goes wrong, instead of running away from it, i look at it and go "what's my part in it, what's my responsibility?"

Wedding bells

My Aunt Janice got married today. In a sea of young couples, what she lacked in youth she made up for with her usual spunk and attitude. Amongst the usual white gowns/shirt-tie ensemble, she wore a purple short skirt, with her trademark short hair, dyed to matching gold with Uncle Randall, the groom.

My first solemnisation. It wasnt as sacred an affair as I had expected: children were free to run amok, released by disrespectful parents, who probably after their own solemnisation saw no meaning out of it given their present marriage. To me, it was a romantic moment when the groom held the bride's hand out of his initiative when reciting the vows.

The wedding was a very simplistic affair. At 5pm we then went to Ice Cold Bs at SMU for beer and Wii while waiting for dinner to begin. It was a small dinner - 4 tables at Yan's Palace, Hong Lim Complex. It lacked the costume changes, the 4-tier wedding cake that will eventually get thrown away, the farcical and usually badly edited/scored ppt slides and videos, the annoying yum-seng, and the commercial money-laundering table photos and 5-star hotel dinner. Instead, we had the best bonding over KTV and a nice meal. They didnt have to go through all the troubles of putting on a show, and we didnt have to pretend to be happy. We shared the best family dinner with lots of fun, even more so than chinese new year routines, and the no-frills simplicity of it made me abhor the wedding machine even more. I got to know my aunts and cousins better, so that beats any 10 course dinner with tons of shark fins.

The extravagance. The farce. Wedding in Singapore is rarely what it's meant to be, but instead has become a business almost. First the house, then the wedding, then the cars and babies and investment in children, blah blah blah.

Sometimes simplicity is the best way to go.

bullees

i just found out, that Lee Hsien Yang is the (ex) boss of SINGTEL, and Lee Hsien Long's wife is the founder of Starhub.

SERIOUSLY, are they trying to take over Singapore?!!?! their family inheritance must have been able to last them 23546779890890 generations!!!

The world is so unfair. some people just have it so easily.

Fantasia - I'm Here

I cant put this on facebook without putting my heart on my sleeve and disclosing the fact that i cried to a Fantasia performance yet again, but after a really really long time. It won't be doing this justice. This is tear-jerker to the max, i mean, i didnt even cry this hard when Sue Sylvester visited her mentally disabled sister.

guess i'm still human after all.

Emotional

I feel emotional right now. It's the fatigue these few days, a sign of illness that comes with lethargy, coupled with late night sleeps and the mental stress of work. Sigh.

reading bee's note on Mdm Aishah didnt help at all thou.

today marks the first day of a new beginning. well, sort of. after slogging for 4 yrs 2 months and 1day, i've finally my slave of a part time job, in search for something better. The very unethical and unprofessional way they let me go was to not inform me, and get my colleague, who was not made for this, to do the job. in the end i had to call them to hear it from the pig's filthy mouth what was disguised as a "chance for the newcomers to be independent". sure, be that. i'll see how long you can survive.

but somehow there was a sense of closure and release after that phone call. for a while now, i've been pent up working there. i guess i understand now how all my previous colleagues felt, and how come they all said it was for the better that i left. i hate it that no one told me to get out of this hellmouth earlier. what a fool i've been.

like how simon cowell see's his 9th yr on idol as his last cos he felt it was just time to go, so can be said for me. so many people are embarking on new journeys this period. if anything, the best part about that is an empty canvas which you can decide on the best way to paint. i feel now a sense of release, and cant wait for what exciting events that is to come.

time to sing "Don't Rain On My Parade" now. give me my audience and my band. i'll march them out now.