Scowell

I am reading Simon Cowell's book called "I don't mean to be rude, but...", written some 6 years back after season 2 of American Idol. Yes, he is the "obnoxious", "notorious" British judge from hell. Well, not in my opinions though. He popularised "indulgent nonsense" and made "ghastly" sound hip. Here's some excerpts from the book which I thought were hilarious. Fans of Idol should be able to relate better because they play on the stereotypical image of Paula Abdul, Ryan Seacrest, and of course, the man himself.

"I heard a rumour that Paula had hired a gag writer to help her deal with me...Paula turned to me after some comment and delivered this masterpiece: "Your father must have breast-fed you as a child." What the hell did that mean? I was dumbfounded, along with everyone else in the studio. SHe went on: "The only high you'll ever get is if you smoke your own T-shirt." ...I had no response - what could you say to something that idiotic? - but Paula looked like the cat that just ate the canary, because she felt she had managed to get one over on me."

"That night we went to a club, where Ryan (Seacrest) put the moves on a cute girl who worked for the show. As far as I was concerned, Ryan wasn't going to get a girl if I wasn't,and I didn't want to because I was dating someone. We went back to the hotel, the three of us, and I was already in bed when I overheard Ryan out on the terrace, feeding this woman the most ridiculous lines imaginable, I actually heard him say "I wonder why the stars in Miami are so much brighter than the stars in L.A.," and "This may sond corny, but I believe destiny brought us here." Then he actually said, "Your eyes match the colour of the ocean." That was it. I walked out onto the terrace, started talking about work, and then suggested that the three of us stay up and watch the sun rise...As far as I am concerned, I did her a favour; she would have seriously regretted spending the night with Ryan."