long time coming

I have so much to write, but when it comes down to sitting in front of the computer, trying to type out my thoughts with these tired hands, i'm unable to do so. so whatever comes to mind now.

i'm listening to 陈珊妮 right now. i find 如果有一件事是重要的, which was posted in the previous entry, a very soothing song that somehow makes me feel slightly better. not over-the-top exuberance, but just slightly more at peace with myself. and the lyrics are so simplistic, yet speaks volume. makes me wana kill myself for not catchin her in concert earlier this year.

i'm officially a GLEEK. about time now. i've cried 3 times to the show, and have been harbouring the idea that it's possibly better than American Idol. Wait, it could very well be true. if my tears are any indication, that i can cry 3 out of the 13 episodes of Glee Season 1 part 1, as compared to the less-than-10 times i've cried during Idol's 9 year run, then yes, GLEE is much better. but more so because this season's Idol is so lacklustre my puke had more character than 56345678 of the contestants. With the exception of Siobhan Crystal Lee lily and Alex Lambert, the others can go straight to oblivionville hell for all i care.

i've been hearing, that youths should be energetic and be full of fire and energy, endless amount of them. i forgot where i heard it from, pretty sure it's a tv show, and i got scared, because i do not feel like i have tt fire in me. i feel lethargic and empty most of the time recently. i do not feel driven much of the time. i procrastinate. and all this should be saved for when i am 90 yrs old (if i ever live that old) while i'm rocking that wooden piece of chair. but right now, i'm supposed to have fire in my eyes. but i'm not.

what ever happened to me and my dreams?

they're sucked away.

i have a list of ppl i admire and want to emulate. by 70 i will still be rocking like Tina Turner on heels. at 70s i wana be as artistically and critically acclaimed in my career as Clint Eastwood, who at 70+ is directing some of the best movies of his career. at 50 i wana be like Simon Cowell, full of confidence and all-knowing, but not cocky and arrogant. and be damn freaking rich. at 30 i wana be like Oprah Winfrey and reinvent myself by lugging out a trolley of fats and lose weight (if i get that fat). oh, and give all my friends a car when i am 40+. and build a freakin empire. and have a tv network and a tv show tt makes ppl cry.

far fetched eh. how bout that for falling short of your dreams.