Exhausted

I think it's been a mentally gruelling week, and coming into Saturday's Singapore Can Speak round, I wasnt prepared at all to face my group of ambassadors and tell them to be happy and pro-ative when all i wanted to do was to finish Far From the Madding Crowd. (There's no significance to the text, it's just my lit text for the upcoming exam on Tuesday) But when it came down to seeing these 17 yr old, somehow or rather it just came to be naturally that i have to be this ball of energy that they can absorb from. it's not putting up a front, but it just came to be. And strange enough, i gave more of myself this week than the last.

And i never knew that giving so much of yourself could be so exhausting. during the show it didnt feel tiring at all. i was energetic and forgot about my troubles. but after 3 hours at the end of the show, i just wanted to go home take off my shoes have a hot bath wash wax off my hair and just raise my feet up and have a cold beer. and read Hardy - not cos i want to but cos i have to. Then I just want to detonate my social calendar and just be by myself for a while, but figured i'll be more miserable by myself, so i went to bec's.

i realise that some people just zap the energy from you, without giving. I sometimes feel that way about myself too. but to my conscious, i hope that i've been there for my friends as much as i could be. i want to be remembered as someone who was giving all his life, and was there for people everytime.