I felt very vexed and restless today. It's an imminent feeling, like something is not going as it should be, and that nagging sense that you're not where you're supposed to be. It felt like being stuck in a moment that doesnt belong to you, and you're just an obsolete entity, watching. And the worse thing is, you can't pinpoint where the problem lies.
Without that, any solution would seem preposterous.
Amidst the din, I realised something: I've been surviving. And if past experiences were any indication, I will endure and succeed. it's just a matter of time. I might get by, but i'll emerge victorious in the end. i've made it through O Levels to get into a JC, i've endured physical challenges during my army days. It's just that it's taking a longer time now. and with it, comes the reminder that one shall never be complacent.
You might have the upper stance now, but the tables will turn. So all the showing off that you're doing right now, i'll make sure i learn from you, and be more humble in the future.
All my life, i've been acting cool. i've tried to be the coolest kid in school, listen to the most obscure music, and walk and talk aloof. Unless you talk to me, you will never know me. Even if you did, you can never entirely predict me. I try to attend the hippest concerts and make the best out of my wardrobe. That is not to say i do not enjoy the process - i love all the music and films and everything else that i've been exposed to. However, i feel like i'm a hybrid, stuck in the middle. and i realise it's time i do me. the real me. without false pretense. and if the world doesnt like it, they can kiss my poo-at like Leticia Bongnino.
after giving it some initial thought, 2011 will be the year i follow my dreams and myself.
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